Nana's dead and other ways to make your 3 year old cry

So Little Mr. Man started pre-school yesterday. What a momentous day! I think he was a little nervous, but you never could tell, because as soon as he found the box of trains & train tracks he let go of my hand and was off. As I stood there watching him, trying to ingrain the moment in my mind (because of course I forgot my camera AND phone at home), I couldn't help but feel proud of him and sad. Sad for myself, him and his little sister.

You see, it was 6 years ago that my amazing mother passed away.

Of course, being a motherless mother, I romanticize the relationship I would have had with my mother and how wonderful it would have been to share my journey through motherhood with her. Of course, my relationship with my mother was by no means perfect when she was alive, but it had improved greatly over the years and really whose going to fault me for trying to eek out some 'good' after loosing my mom.

Ever since Little Mr. Man's birth I've talked about Nana (my Mom) and tried tell him at least once a week how she loves him, etc. At the beginning, I'd even 'buy' him presents from her, but you know that may just get weird as the kids get older! My goal though is to keep her memory alive as much as possible so the kids have the chance to 'get to know her'.

Anyhow, as I was lighting a memorial candle for my Mom this morning, LMM pipes up and asks what I was doing and of course WHY. I explained to him that I was lighting a candle in memory of Nana, my Mom. WHY? Because she no longer lives on the planet (we were just talking about planets before). WHY? Well, because she died. COMPLETE SILENCE followed by what I'm sure was a QUIVERING LIP. OMG....did I really just make my first born cry by telling him his Nana was dead?! And you wonder why I named this blog "maybe tomorrow I'll be a better mother"...better than "Maybe tomorrow I'll ruin my son's day by telling him his Nana's dead, there is no Santa Claus and the tooth fairy's a hoax"!!!

10 hours later, my husband walks in the house and the first things LMM says to him is "Nana's dead Dada". Oh dear, we're in for a long couple of days!

So tell me, how have you handled the issue of death with your little ones?

Can't believe I was "that" mother today

At Little Man's activity this morning, I was "that" mother. New term, new location (closer to home), same company. As I walk up and see which group my darling son has been placed with, I am horrified...all the other kids in the group looked SO YOUNG. how will these children challenge my son and push him to do his best? It looks like they've only just learned to walk, let alone run, jump, hop on one foot and play t-ball!

Yes, I was that mother, thinking MY child may only have only just turned 3, but he is more suited to being with 3.5 year olds, there must be a mistake. He should NOT be with these children...they're, they're....well...just 3.

OK, so thankfully I was not that bad, but nearly. In fact, had the group leader not (rightfully) shut me down (in less than 3 seconds no less-methinks I was by no means the most formidable opponent she's faced in her years as Sports Leader) I may have taken the issue further. Thankfully she shut me down and I quickly snapped to reason, remembering this is an activity that is supposed to be fun for my son. It is nothing more.

I do hope I remember this little episode and can manage to remain humbled for all his and his sister's years of activities, school, work, friends...well, for all their lives. I don't like being "that" mom!

How do you strike the balance between advocating for your child, wanting to see them excel and be challenged and just letting them have fun and be 3 (or 5 or 10, or whatever age they may be)?

The plight of the toy filled home

i am slowly recovering from the Little Man's 3rd birthday. We had an awesome Dinosaur themed birthday party, complete with dinosaur cake, dino volcano toss and pin the horn on the triceratops. For goody bags, the kids were each given a space and bucket filled with sand with little dinosaur treasures buried for them to discover at home.

On his actual birthday we spent something like 8 hours at the Royal Easter Show! The highlight for me was when Ryan said his favorite part was the pony ride because I was with him. Aw, way to make Mommy's day!!

Now I just need to figure out where to put all the toys!!

How do you manage not to have your home overrun with toys?

knee deep in dinosaurs

Trying to avoid all things branded, a couple of months ago I planted the idea of a dinosaur themed party with my soon-to-be-three year old for his upcoming birthday party. I knew that if I didn't plant something soon we'd be having a Thomas the Tank Engine party and I'd be making a train cake...again. So, at the time, the dinosaur theme seemed like a good idea. As did the non-branded thing. Until now, a mere 5 days before his party and me at the ripe old age of (let's just say closer to 50 than 20) I am learning how to draw. I am making my own dinosaur bean bags. I will be making a volcano to toss said bean bags into. I will also be making a dinosaur cake.

So, you'll forgive me, if from where I'm sitting right now, an out-of-the-box-Thomas Party seems like a pretty fab idea!

And because of this, I am slowly eating my way through said son's Easter loot. Maybe tomorrow I'll replace what I've eaten. Mabye...

The true cause of gray hair

So my not-yet-three-year-old is channeling his future teenage self. (Or maybe that's my old teenage self!).

From morning to night he challenges me. On the one hand, I'm proud of him. You know, it's because of his brilliance that every step of the way he asks me "why" and questions my every move. His desire for independence and natural ability to lead causes him to ignore most of my requests...until he decides it's time. You know, "hey, Little Mr. Man, time for dinner"..."I'm not hungry" (time lapse, 3 minutes) "Mommy, I want my brekfax".

Or my favorite "Hey, Little Mr. Man, do you think maybe you need to go potty?" "NO MOMMY!"

(time lapse - 30 seconds) "MOMMY, I HAVE TO GO POTTY" (as he runs to the bathroom, legs crossed and little trickles of pee seeping through his shorts).

So, yes, I'm proud of him. I drink a lot and turn grayer and grayer as the seconds tick by, but yes, I am proud of Little Mr. Man.

How about you? How do you get through the never ending challenge that is raising children?

Change the title to Broken Mom

Seriously. My lovely, beautiful, sweet, loving, caring and wonderful little man broke me today. Seriously. I'm not sure if it was the 6 changes of clothes (care of sudden fear/dislike/??? of the toilet), the hitting, bashing or name calling...but he broke me. So bad that I broke down in tears at the MAC Cosmetics counter (yes, although broken, I am fortunate to have a husband to come home early enough from work that I could get out and make it to the shops to try and get some makeup for a 'pick me up', which turned into a mini-therapy session, but that's a whole other story).

Thank you also to a dear friend that reminded me that of course 'this is just a phase'. Oh and also reminded me that a nice glass of bubbly cures all the ails a 3 year old can dish out!

And with the night (and bubbly) I can look back and plan how I would handle these issues in a more positive way. You know, how to break through the power struggle that is my life! Ah, positive parenting always comes to the rescue. To be fair, I often come away from this stuff and end up feeling worse. You know, it's like hmmmm, maybe I shoulda done that, but I didn't and boy I suck as a Mom, and no wonder we fight all day. But really, the reality is, tomorrow is a new day and well, you know, maybe I'll be a better mother ;-)

As a total aside, did you know that Snoop Dogg is a voice on Tom Tom GPS?

We bond through food

I was once told to help Mr. Man feel more secure and less antagonist towards his sister, I needed to spend at least 20 minutes of quality time with him, alone without said little sister. Easy peasy!

The caveat: it has to be doing something HE wants...so, 20 minutes each day of watching him play trains, trying to join in, only to be told I'm not doing it right, followed by "mom play trains" (after he's taken all trains away from me because "I don't do it right")

So we bake and we eat. These are things we can do together. I may get fatter and fatter, but at least we'll be happy. That is, until Little Miss wakes up from her nap and joins the party.

Which she is doing now...