The real top 10 list - Things all new moms & dads need

Not the regular top 10 that will see you your local toy store and baby centre. No, this is the REAL top 10 list of things you actually need.

1. smart phone - preferably an iphone, but any that have a big screen will work - this is not so you can text, email and facebook until your heart's content (well, ok, maybe it is) but it also works as a GREAT flashlight for middle of the night feeds, nappy changes and temperature checks. Apps also serve as a great distraction when you're out and about. Cost = priceless!

2. wine and/or chocolate - i lump these together as some people don't drink and others don't like chocolate. and for those, like me, that like both, it is safer to save one for after 6pm (you decide ;-)...OK, so those days when you it's not even 7:30 am and there's already been three meltdowns (2 of them yours), there is nothing like sinking your teeth into an exquisite piece of dark chocolate (or really, any kind of chocolate will do). And once it's 5:30pm and those meltdowns have not stopped and you are covered in snot, poop, food and some unknown substances, there really is nothing like sitting down with a glass of wine. Truly, every mother's best friend!

3. facebook/twitter accounts: face it - you're not going to be going out like you used to. At least with FB and twitter you can still keep your finger on the pulse and see all the events that your single/married without children friends are doing. And of course, they can look at all the pictures you post of your gorgeous kids (or not)

4. a good therapist - seriously - you're going to need it. I don't know too many men/woman that can take the constant erosion of self and thoughts of self-doubt that comes with being a parent. And I don't have a mother to add to those levels! I love my kids more than anything else in this world, and for the most part they're pretty good, but good lord, they wear me down. Having an impartial, objective person to talk/vent to is absolutely priceless. Because face it, there's only so much whining your friends/partners will take. Hire a professional.

5. Make friends with the local teenagers. You are going to need a battery of babysitters. Trust me, even your parents will get sick of looking after your kids at some point.

6. A cleaner - again, the cost = priceless. You will spend more time at home than you ever thought possible and the mess that will be created will be beyond your wildest dreams. My bathrooms smell like urinals - and my son actually pees in the toilet. Yet still, my bathrooms smell...While I'm not exactly sure why this is, after a visit from the cleaning fairy the smell is gone (at least for a day or two). It really pays to have someone come, at least once a month, to clean every corner of your house, from top to bottom, all at once. It's a great feeling to walk into that house.

7. Put your child's name on wait lists for daycare. I know, you don't want to go back to work. All you want to do is gaze into the eyes of your beautiful child and be there for every teeny tiny little change or developmental milestone. And of course, no one could do as good of a job raising your child as you. I know. But you know, there will be days that you will want to go back to work. Trust me. There may even be weeks and months that you have that feeling. If you don't have your kids on a wait list, it becomes really hard for you to go back to work. But if you have done all the research, have them on a wait list for *the best* care centre, going back to work is always an option. And of course, you can always turn that spot down should they call and you really and truly don't want to go back to work, or have just one day a week where you can go pee by yourself. It's always good to have options. Just sayin'.

8. A good hairdresser. I mean a really good hairdresser that you trust. Preferably one that works long hours. You will have days when you have been spit up on, pooped on, bit, kicked, used as a kleenex and poked and prodded. There will be days when you will barely recognize yourself in the mirror for the puffy eyes and blotchy skin. There will be days when you clothes, yes, even your fat clothes, won't fit right. Those are the kind of days when you need to get your hair done. Get it cut, coloured, styled. It really doesn't matter. Just being out of the house--without anyone tugging at your pant leg or screaming in your ear--and being pampered is the best thing in the world. And really, who doesn't feel better about themselves after visiting the hair salon?!

9. A gym membership at a gym with a creche. I don't care if you hate going to the gym. I don't care if you don't even know what to do at a gym. It DOESN'T matter. Gym's with creches are your best friend. Especially if you find one with a steam room and sauna. It doesn't matter *where* in the gym you are, you just have to be in the building. Heck, you can spend the whole time at the gym's juice bar reading a book or sleeping in the locker room. You'll usually have at least a whole hour to yourself and the cost is usually minimal. Worse case scenario you may even get in shape, or at least counter some of the calories from the wine and chocolate ;-)

10. The Entertainment Book - and USE it. I know the books are only $60 and are bought to support your local insert-good-cause-here and usually end up collecting dust or are used as a door stop. I say use it as an excuse to go to the hairdresser, call up that local teenager and go out for a lovely night out with your partner. It's amazing how much better food tastes when someone else cooks it and cleans up after you.

Wordless Wednesday - Single sock seeking same

My children will most likely never wear matching socks.

Blame it on the dryer ;-)

Now you see him, now you don't

Shopping expedition = FAIL

So my darling son and I were having a day out in the big city. The plan was to take the train, the ferry, have lunch and just hang out. The only glitch was that as we were heading into the city, I remembered that we needed to do some clothes shopping for a family photo shoot planned for the next day. No problem, I figured a quick detour to the department store wouldn't be a big deal.

Yeah, well, never make assumptions! For starters, have you ever tried to buy clothes for yourself with a 3 year old in tow....that's what I thought. You either bought an armload of clothes that you never tried on or you left with nothing - in either case, you probably ended up with nothing (if you're new, i'll explain - that armful of clothes you bought - none of it fit or looked awful so you returned it all). But sadly that's not even what this post is about.

No, my shopping trip was a big fail because it was so boring for little man that he decided to play a 'trick' on me...hahahahahah...ya, not so much.

You see, as I was mentally trying on some really bad fashion statements, the little mr man decided it would be *fun* to see what it would be like to *vanish* behind some clothes - not a big deal, as usually as I see him disappear, however today, I didn't see the beginning of the vanishing trick. When I looked up from the "80s mistake redux" my darling son was *gone*. Gone as in NOT there.

I yell out his name, not once, not twice, but THREE times and it feels like I could hear a pin drop in the store. And still NO little man. My heart starts to pump, I'm scanning the store, yelling out his name in a panicked voice, worst case scenarios popping up in my head. And still, I don't see or hear him. All I see are the women around me that seem to be looking at me like I'm mad. Not one sympathetic look. I start to think I've gone mad. Is there a child standing by my side??? still no. One last time, I yell out his name, and finally he comes running to me.

With him in my arms, I collapse on the floor with him and start crying. In my rational mind, I know I'm being ridiculous. This whole episode probably took no longer than a minute. I am a rational woman. I know that people don't go snatching kids. The majority of missing kids are usually with with a parent, friend or relative. and again, the entire episode was not even an entire minute.

I didn't end up buying anything and on Little Mr. Man's suggestion we ended up having ice cream for lunch. With sprinkles and chocolate sauce. and lots of hugs.

Wordless Wednesday - Summer

As we are in the middle of our first of two back to back winters, I've been thinking a lot about summer.

Here's a lovely shot of Little Mr. Man running up the sand 'hill' at Avalon Beach, NSW last summer.

Yes, I know the job sucks, but can't we look on the bright side? At least once??

So we all complain about being our jobs. Or at least I do.

It's like the weather. No one's every *really* happy with the weather. It's either too sunny, too hot, too humid, too wet, too cold...too freaking something.

Same goes with our jobs....too boring, too busy, too slow, too hard, not enough pay.

What I wonder, is why should parenting be any different? How exactly is complaining about this 'job' news? Somehow it is. From New York Magazine's ''I love my children. I hate my life'' to SMH's own "Much to Hate About Parenting" complaining about the world's oldest job is news.

Of *course* there's lots to hate about parenting. Most days are spent playing referee, being climbed on as if you're a jungle gym, being spit/peed and/or pooped on. Your hair gets pulled. You walk around with dirty clothes. You don't get much sleep and not because you've been out partying. No you don't get to out, at least not at night. And if you do, it's so you can go to the grocery store or chemist. You go to the gym just so you can go pee in peace. It's called 'me' time. You get called names. You get to see your worst habits thrown back in your face. This list took less than 2 minutes to come up with and I could easily come up with more. There is no shortage of things to complain about.

But, just like in the workplace all that complaining has a negative effect. Brings morale down, makes people less productive. Makes you want to quit your job and find a new one. And as a parent, that's really not an option. Well, it is but for some, but not for me.

And really, it's not such a hard slog. I know, some people have kids that don't sleep. Some kids throw tantrums that would give the Super Nanny a run for her money. Some kids throw things, hit, bite...But they are only kids. They don't even go to school yet. They are not the boss - you are. Take control. It's not easy, but I wonder what the hell's going to happen when these out of control kids grow up. Now then there will be something to complain about.

I know the horror stories are what sell. It's like sex, it's what people want to read about. When you're having a shit day, you don't want to read about how great someone else's day was or how wonderful their kids are. I get it. That's why I read the blogs too. But you know, every once in a while, it might not be such a bad thing to show a bit of the bright side.

So here it is. My kids rock. As my son went downstairs to sit on the couch to watch his Thomas the Tank Engine with his Dad before going to bed, he pipes up and asks "did you clean up Mom?" thinking he was talking about the kitchen, I said "yes" and then the sweet little boy replies "thank you". YOu see he thought I had cleaned up the living room and his mess. The kid isn't even 3.5 and he rocks.

My sweet little daughter wakes up much too early, but will happily hang out in her cot in her room singing and talking to herself until the sun comes up.

anyhow, back to more complaining tomorrow. My readership isn't that large that I can afford to start alienating anyone ;-)

When you have no one to call in sick to

Ever have one of those days you wish you could start over?

It used to be, you know, days before kids, you had options when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. If a workday, you could call in sick and stay in bed all day or go shopping or go to the gym or do whatever it is that you used to do to shake the crabbies away. If a weekend, you could just pull the covers over your head and go back to bed.

I tried calling in sick, but my 'bosses' don't have phones. Well, they do, but they don't take incoming calls. Actually, just as I was trying to 'call in sick' Little Mr. Man was using his 'phone' as a drum on Little Miss' head. So, calling in sick was not in the cards for me today.

Instead, we had a lovely playdate at a friend's where we ate a ridiculous chocolate cake with 700g of Lindt dark chocolate and a few other ingredients (thanks Donna Hay - can't find recipe online, but can add if anyone likes). Plus coffee. You'd think this would be a great way to shake those crabbies, eh?! Not for someone with caffeine sensitivities.

Sure, I was 'perked' up, but I was also ready to pounce. It was like I had taken really bad speed. I mean really bad. I should add, it's not like I ate the whole freaking cake by myself. I only had one teeny tiny little piece, but that was clearly more caffeine than I needed (ok, the cake also had 1/3 cup of coffee and I had a cup of tea and a coffee...maybe I should've turned down the coffee, eh?!). Needless to say, instead of shaking the crabbies, i turned into a giant CRAB monster!

Now of course a one and three year old don't understand that all they really needed to do was STAY AWAY and/or be REALLY QUIET and all would be OK. Instead, on the 30 minute car ride home Little Miss screeched as loud as she could - she was tired and wanted to make sure I knew she knew she missed her morning nap. And Little Mr. Man thought it was HILARIOUS so copy Little Miss' screeches at even higher decibels intermixed with a sing-song whine of "I'm hungry".

It was only 12:30 when we walked in the door. There's a whole lotta day left at 12:30. And by this time the speed of the caffeine was wearing off and somehow the irritability factor increased. Who knew that was possible.

I tried calling in sick again, but to no avail. So I did what anyone in position would. Put the baby to sleep and curled up on the couch with the little guy and watched Sesame Street. Best 30 minutes ever!!! And then, as with all good things, the show came to an end and I was faced with that feeling of dread. It was now just coming up on 1:30 and I had NO plan.

We managed to make it through the rest of the afternoon. We didn't destroy the house or each other. In fact, I think we may have even had an enjoyable afternoon. LMM on his bike, LM on her trike. Bliss.

I even had a bit of bliss with a lovely chat with my very good looking (and very gay neighbour) who was telling me about his recent trip to Europe. The chat came to a bitter end when LMM got off his bike and I realized that his pants were soaking wet. At first I was wondering when did he jump in a puddle, until I realized that there were no puddles and the wet was top-down and not down-up. I said a sheepish goodbye to my pretend gay boyfriend and hurried across the street to our house.

For some reason I felt horribly guilty that LMM had such a huge accident...but as my DH pointed out, it's not like I have control over the little guy's bladder. And he does have words and knows how to tell me if he needs to use the bathroom. But as a mother that was having a grown up conversation and momentarily lost herself, fantasizing that it was she that was just returning from a whirlwind European holiday that did not involve children, it was hard to shake the guilt.

The moral of the story: if you don't have a boss to call in sick to, have a temp on speed dial (ie: dial-a-nanny!!)...and as the tittle suggests, maybe tomorrow I'll be a better mother...just maybe.

Wordless Wednesday

The humble potato

A potato,

a skewer,

an old fashioned counter mounted apple slicer,

some batter and some oil

and humble the potato is no more.