Monday, April 28, 2008

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow I'll figure it out.

I love being a Mom. It's the best job ever. Yeah, I know the hours are long, there really isn't an exit clause but the rewards are worth every second. I keep reminding myself of this as I try, desperately try, and crack my one year old's habit of picking his nose!

"He does it out spite." "He does to get attention." "it's a power thing" "He does it because he can". "It feels good".

You name I've heard it, but no one can tell me how I can stop him from doing it. As soon as one finger is removed from nostril, the other one resumes where it left off, and so on, etc. Distractions. Oh yes, I've tried that. You name it. But as soon as he bores of new activity, Mommy making a fool of herself singing head and shoulders, the hokey pokey, old mcdonald (and on and on) he's right back where he left off. The kid does not miss a beat.

His will is stronger than mine!

We're going to our first proper activity tomorrow. I really hope we like it since we've paid for the term. In 50 minutes we're to sing, dance, play musical instruments, hear stories, do body movement, make sounds, do art, make a craft, play with puppets, rhymes, drama, do finger plays and social plays. I can't imagine doing all that in a week, let alone 50 minutes. I'll be sure to have a full strenght coffee before we get there!

That's all I have time for tonight. Must get a few pages in of the the book I'm reading (People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks) before Desperate Housewives.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Maybe tomorrow I'll find the perfect activity

I spent the better part of early Sunday morning searching the net for the perfect playground. You know, the one that's shaded, has the rubber on the ground (to help prevent serious injury when DS falls), has lots of swings and things for toddlers, perfectly manicured lawn surrounding it, with no dog poo, needles or other unsavoury items...I found what i thought would be the perfect place, and it just wasn't worth the 20 minute drive. It was just like the playgrounds that are 5 minutes away, on foot. So why the drive? Online it sounded far superior, but in reality it was a playground, just like all the others. Ok, maybe it was a little bit more shaded, but not much.

What I don't understand is why more of the parks around here are not shaded, naturally or with the sails? When you read stats that say that 1 in 2 people here have skin cancer you'd think there would be a bit of an effort to try and help shield the little people as long as possible. I know shade doens't prevent you from UV but it helps a bit and makes it a bit more bearable to be outside.

In a climate as hot as this one, I'm a bit surprised there aren't more indoor activities for little people. I know children's museums are expensive to start up, extremely hard to raise funding for and difficult to maintain, but surely shopping malls can see how it could benefit them to have even a small indoor play area for babies and toddlers. Heck, I'd be there every day if they did...and i'd probalby spend a fair bit each of those days too. Instead, on days like today when it is supposed to be in the mid 30s with medium to high humidty my DS and I are stuck inside...ALL DAY...

Maybe I should stop 'blogging' and resume searching...maybe tomorrow :-)

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Maybe tomorrow...

Maybe know for well over a year now, there's barely been a day that the phrase "maybe tomorrow I'll do a better job at/be a better mother...." hasn't flicked through my mind. Now that I've decided to put fingertips to keyboard, I've stopped thinking like that. Maybe blogging is the cure to guilt?...nah. Maybe I've simply just been too tired and busy of late to pause long enough to put a complete sentence together in my mind. Because I certainly don't feel like all guilt has washed away from me.

Wouldn't it be live guilt-free? Can such an existence be possible? For a woman? A woman with Jewish ancestry? That's what I thought!

My guilt is so bad that recently I felt guilty for purchasing a magazine. Why you ask? Because I think I'm buying someone else's copy! You see, where I live there's a small news agent and I think they only buy the number of copies sold regularly. Since we've only been living here for a few months, in my mind someone out there is not getting their copy that they used to get before I arrived. Funny enough, in the last issue of the magazine there was an article about guilt.

I try, I really do; but no matter what I do, I can't shake the nagging feeling of guilt. I wonder if one day they'll be able to locate the guilt gene.

All this talk about guilt is making me feel guilty for not being more constructive with this little bit of quiet time I have before DS wakes from his nap. I should go and clean, or maybe read the article on guilt!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Maybe tomorrow I'll be a better role model

Patience, on the best of days, is not my strong suit. I have, however, gotten much better over the years and sometimes even delude myself into thinking that I may actually be a patient person. I am not.

It is not for a lack of trying. I fear this lack of patience haunt me as I try and be a good role model for my DS.

I went for blood test I know from previous experience, whether in Canada or in Australia, this can sometimes be a trying experience. The labs are usually busy, there are long waits, and if you're not covered by medical and have to pay, the process can take even longer. Armed with this knowledge I thougth i would be smart and head up to the pathologist first thing in the morning when they open and leave DS home with DH, figuring it wouldn't take more than 30-40 minutes max.

Well, I wasn't off by much...I waited for about 50 minutes and in the 10 minutes I was in the lab room discovered that it was all simply too difficult and was asked if I wouldn't mind maybe coming back later. summoning up the bit of patience I have, I smiled and said sure, w hy not...really, DS and I had nothing planned for the day, so spending it in the pathologist clinic would be our activity (if you're not picking up on it, the last sentence is loaded with sarcasm)...

Skip to the afternoon when I return to the lab, with DS in tow. We arrive at 3pm, a full hour before they close. After about 15 minutes of waiting the pathologist emerges from her room, sees me and lectures me about how she closes at 4pm and really I should've come back sooner. I looked at her, looked at DS and smiled, figuring she would understand that my time really isn't mine and really I showed up with a full hour before was I to know that her office would be swamped yet again. I aslo figured, wrongly I might add, that since I had waited for an hour earlier in the day, that perhaps she would take me ahead of the other people in the queue....not so much.

another 40 minutes pass, DS being the super dooper trooper that he is, barely made a cry and really seemed to have fun bouncing on my knee, and trying to make friends with the batteries that were displayed right next to my chair (the pathologist is in the back of a chemist...hence the battery display). Finally it's my turn. But rather than sitting me in the chair and getting my arm ready for the inevitable stab, the pathologist continues to give me grief for not showing up earlier and complaining about how difficult it is for her because she has to tally up the cost for my visit, because I'm not covered by medicare. I can understand that it's a pain, but this is why she asked me to come back later. i thought she might've had time during the day to work all this out, knowing that I was coming. I guess not. After the 5th time of her telling me off because i waited so long to come back i had to ask to just take my blood and drop the issue. I raised my voice, ever so slightly....lost my patience, ever so slightly. But see, DS is only 9 months old. He doens't really know what's going on. I mean he does, and he could tell that things were not good, but it he's still young enough and these situations are infrequent enough that it will (hopefully) not have any long lasting permanent influence. But, give him a year or so and I just won't be able to get away with it.

Am I supposed to miraculously be transformed into super patient person who doesn't mind that 2 hours of her very precious time has been tossed away? I mean the whole day wasn't a complete loss, I did finally get my blood taken, and I did get to spend some quality time with DS, although not in the best of know, most people going to get their blood taken are sick...but, I mean come on...I thought I did quite well, all things considered in keeping my cool...but the point is I didn't and wonder how this will influence DS down the road. Maybe I should sign up for yoga again. Get back to deep breathing and fidning my 'happy place'. Maybe I should just make sure I try and limit the number of instances where DS will be witness to Mommy loosing her patience. But how do you do that when the world is full situations that result in my loosing my patience...oh dear, we're in for a long ride!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Maybe tomorrow I won't forget your lunch AND your snacks at home on the kitchen counter....

Without fail, I'll be about 2 minutes away from the house and I'll realize that I left Ryan's carefully prepared and packed food on the kitchen counter. Do I turn around, drive back to the house, take him out of his car seat, rummage through my purse/diaper bag for house keys, run into the house and get his food, then put him back in the car seat and go on our merry way? Or do I keep on driving and figure we'll have lunch out?!
Of course I tend to settle for the latter...there's always a grocery store or coffee shop nearby to where we're going (usually the grocery store or coffee shop anyway) so why go through all that hassle? Maybe I should just stop packing his lunch!

Today's been a fine day! Apparently Ryan's decided he doesn't need to sleep and was up chatting away to himself at 4:47 am. How sweet...dadadadadadadadadadadadadadada...he managed to amuse himself with his babbling for about 20 minutes and then I guess he said something that really pissed himself off, because boy oh boy did he start screaming. I tried to re-settle him because he looked so tired (could be a bit of projecting going there), but no luck.

The Indian food he had last night sure smelled great this morning...thanks glad you've decided to make 'flavours of the world' baby food. Suffice to say I'm thrilled that my darling son likes Indian food...too bad I'll never be able to eat it again.

Well, that's all the time I have for now. Have a million and ten things to do while he's having his afternoon nap and he's already been down for about 40 minutes and all I really want is a nice cup of tea and a biscuit (i've tried every afternoon this week--it's now Thursday--and have only gotten as far as making the tea, haven't been able to drink it yet, let alone dunk my biscuit! Maybe today will be my lucky day.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Maybe tomorrow I'll be a better Mom.

Maybe tomorrow....
...I’ll sit and play with you instead of checking my friends’ status updates on Facebook;
...I’ll play with you instead of talking on the phone;
...I’ll pick you up every time you whinge, cry, make a whiny;
...I’ll cook all your meals from scratch instead of feeding you commercial baby food;
...I’ll do your laundry, fold it and put it away before the cats sit and shed all over it;
...I’ll wash the floors before you crawl all over them;’ll have clean clothes to wear;
...I’ll have read up on what I should be doing at this stage to help you advance developmentally;
... I’ll catch you before you fall;
... I won’t drop that pot on the floor and wake you from your slumber;
...stop dropping the ‘F’ bomb within your earshot;
...I’ll put smiley faces on your food;
...I'll remember to turn the monitor on before I fall asleep;
...I’ll learn trigonometry so I’ll be able to help you with your homework;
...I’ll throw out all the plastic dishes in the house and only use glass
...I’ll remember to put the Mozart CD on to help stimulate your cognitive development;
...I’ll read to you more;
...I’ll teach you Mandarin;
...I’ll plant a garden so I’ll know that all your food is GMO and pesticide free;
Maybe tomorrow I'll be a better Mom.