Thursday, January 17, 2008

Maybe tomorrow...

Maybe know for well over a year now, there's barely been a day that the phrase "maybe tomorrow I'll do a better job at/be a better mother...." hasn't flicked through my mind. Now that I've decided to put fingertips to keyboard, I've stopped thinking like that. Maybe blogging is the cure to guilt?...nah. Maybe I've simply just been too tired and busy of late to pause long enough to put a complete sentence together in my mind. Because I certainly don't feel like all guilt has washed away from me.

Wouldn't it be live guilt-free? Can such an existence be possible? For a woman? A woman with Jewish ancestry? That's what I thought!

My guilt is so bad that recently I felt guilty for purchasing a magazine. Why you ask? Because I think I'm buying someone else's copy! You see, where I live there's a small news agent and I think they only buy the number of copies sold regularly. Since we've only been living here for a few months, in my mind someone out there is not getting their copy that they used to get before I arrived. Funny enough, in the last issue of the magazine there was an article about guilt.

I try, I really do; but no matter what I do, I can't shake the nagging feeling of guilt. I wonder if one day they'll be able to locate the guilt gene.

All this talk about guilt is making me feel guilty for not being more constructive with this little bit of quiet time I have before DS wakes from his nap. I should go and clean, or maybe read the article on guilt!

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